Ancient History 'study notes'
by fac-me-cocleario-vomere
Summary: A collection of 'notes'  -read: random observations and suggestive jokes-  made during several so-called 'note-taking sessions' whilst watching copious amounts of Time Team in Ancient History.
1. Chapter 1

**Most of this is a conversation between a friend and I, but there are several places where it's just me making retarded observations. **

**Please do not use these notes to study or to add to your education in any way. You will fail.**

* * *

><p>I'm going to watch the nice, CLEAN, time team show now<p>

Not look at nekkid pics of countries

SO TEMPTIIIIIIING

DO IT

I DARE YOU

RECESS?

NEVVAHHHHHHHHHHH

;A;

MWAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA

JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

NEIIIIIIIIIN

PRUSSIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

WHY GOD WHYYYYYYYY

MOWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

/SOB

LOL

/SHOT/BRICKED/KICKED

/PRUSSIA/

/GERMANY/

/DRUNK IGGY/

/RAPIST FRANCE/

*RUNS AWAY SCREAMING*

*PULLS OUT VIDEO CAMERA*

*IS GLOMPED BY AMERICA*

A WILD AMERIMOCHI APPEARS!

*IS DOUBLE-GLOMPED BY AMERICA AND AMERIMOCHI*

OM NOM NOM NOM

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

BUSTED DESU

CANADA: MAPLE POWER!

*BECOMES MAPLE LEAF*

GERMANY IS TUXEDO MASK

SAILOR MOON IS JAPAN

SAILOR PASTA

THIS. IS. PASTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

*GREECE EXPLODES*

*JAPAN CRIES AND EATS GREECE MOCHI*

*KITTEH MEMORIAL*

*FRANCE PUTS ON CAT EARS*

OHONHONHONHONHON!

*WORLD DIES/IS RAPED*

BRITANNIA ANGEL REVIVES YOU!

*WORLD IS RAPED AGAIN*

IT'S THE CIRCLE OF LIFE!

Rome has invaded England!

Germania is jealous

YES.

AMERICA AND FRANCE ATTACK ROME

It's not very effective…

Germania retaliates!

It's super effective!

America and France fainted

Britannia used STARLIGHT KICK!

America and Rome fainted!

Again

France is revived!

France used rape face!

It's super effective!

Britannia fainted!

France used DATE RAPE

Mochimerica appears!

Mochimerica ate a cheeseburger!

Chibimerica appears!

Britannia is revived!

Britannia used cooking!

Britannia gives scones to France!

It's super effective!

France, Germania, Rome, America, Chibimerica and Amerimochi fainted!

Britannia devolves into Britain!

Britain is FOREVER ALONE.

;A;

America appears!

America used hug!

Britain used ME GUSTA

A terrifying RUSSIA appears!

Russia used KOLKOLKOLKOLKOL

It's super effective!

America used NUCLEAR WARHEADS

It's not very effective…

Russia used smile!

It's super effective!

America fainted!

Britain used SUMMON!

Russia is enslaved!

Russia is fed scones!

Russia fainted!

Britain is FOREVER ALONE AGAIN

Britain evolves into DRUNK ENGLAND!

France is revived!

France evolves into RAPIST!

England evolves into BRITANNIA ANGEL!

BRITANNIA ANGEL used ESCAPE!

RAPIST FRANCE is FOREVER ALONE.

Rome and Germania- who are still there btw- used WTF?

Rome and Germania used WALK AWAY

Rapist France leaves!

Romano walks along, sees nekkid France walkin'

. . . Wtf, man?

A wild Spain appears!

Wild Spain used BACK OFF FRANCE

France fainted!

Spain used cheer up charm on Romano!

It's not very effective…

Romano used HEAD BUTT!

It's super effective!

Spain fainted!

Romano is victorious!

A wild Italy appears!

Italy used pasta!

Romano used SWITCH SIDES!

Romano and Italy used PASTA PARTYYYYYYY

The world is engulfed with pasta.

Today, the world, tomorrow… THE UNIVERSE!

Greece: "not if I can help it… cats, attack!"

Cats are eaten by pasta!

Greece is enraged!

Greece turns into MEGACAT!

*cue FINAL BOSS music*

NANANANANANANANANA

Greece used DEVOUR!

Pasta used TOMATO RAAAAAAAAAGE

Neither attacks are effective!

MEGACAT stares deep into pasta's eyes…

Love is created!

Italy brothers fainted!

Spain and Germany revive and kidnap them!

MEGACAT and pasta leave, and they lived happily ever after.

THE END


	2. Chapter 2

**Most of this is just me making random observations, but the friend from the previous chapter does appear a few times.**

* * *

><p>The actor dude is so clingy… he keeps touching ppl… 8D<p>

I KNOW…..

Hez so creeeepy O.o

...skinship? *insert creepy french laugh here*

Oh dear…

8DDDDDDD

Engmano?

MY FANGIRL SENSES ARE TINGLINGGGGGG

Oh! Oh! U no how march is cropping up everywhere? The calendar I told u about has America and Canada on the pic for it! At church! 8D

I SWEAR TO GOD ITS THEM

SOUTH-EASTERN ENGLAND… OHONHONHON

Cranborne Chase

POOR DOGGIE

YAY CHIKIIIIINS

THE ROMANS WERE CLEAN PEOPLE MAN

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

THIS. IS.

Friar's Wash

DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN

ENGMANO HAS BASIS

Or should that be Romano/England?

'romano-britain temples" 8DD

OH GOD ITS SO HOT

I'M MELTING

FRANCIS IS EXPLORING ENGLAND

Ipswich

DUN DUN DUN

What, so they'll have to dig up backyards?

LOL CASTLE HILL

Pffft. Basil

YAY! LET'S ALL DIG UP PEOPLE'S BACKYARDS!

Lovely garden. Pity it's being DESTROYED

WOOOOOOOOO

THE PLOT THICKENS

D8¦¦¦

ENGLAND IS NOT AMUSED

OH GOD THIS GUYS EYEBROWS

LOOK AT THEM

ARG

MISSED IT

THEY WERE ENORMOUS

OH YEAH

I FOUND A ROCK IN MY GARDEN

I THINK IT'S ROMAN

ITS RED

AND IT HAS A LINE ACROSS IT

DEFINITELY ROMAN

ONE TIME, I FOUND THIS AWESOME-LOOKIN KEY IN MAH GARDEN.

I'M PRETTY SURE IT'S FROM ANCIENT GREECE, OR AT LEAST EGYPT.

WOOOOOOAH

SEE? ANCIENT PEOPLE DID COLONISE AUSTRALIA

ENGLAND GOT THE LEFTOVEERRRRRRRRRRRRS

I THINK ENGLANDS ALREADY TRYING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD

BOTH JULIA GILLARD AND TONY ABBOTT ARE ENGLISH

WOAH.

HOLY SHIT,IT'S HAPPENING!

IT'S THE IGGYPOCALYPSE!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

THE EYEBROWS, THEY ARE EVERYWHEREEEEEEE!

IKR?

EYEBROWS

EYEBROWS EVERYWHERE

SO THEY DUG UP PEOPLES GARDENS FOR NOTHING

OOOOOOOOOOOOH

AN EXCITING HOLE

HOW EXCITING

ENGLAND HAS AN EXCITING HOLE

FRANCE APPROVES

YAY! MORE DUG UP GARDENS!

MAYBE THEY'LL FIND ANOTHER EXCITING HOLE!

LOOKS LIKE THE KIDS ARE BETTER AT EXCAVATING THEN THE ACTUAL ARCHEAOLOGISTS

YUM. PICKLES

THESE GUYS ARE SUCH GOOD ARCHAEOLOGISTS

OOOOH

SO THEY'RE 'OVER THERE SOMEWHERE'

HOW ACCURATE

OHAI

I'M HERE FOR YOUR BACKYARD

GET TO DA CHOPPAH


	3. Chapter 3

Vinovia/Banchester

WOOT WOOT SHOPPING LIST

OH LOOK ITS HADRIAN'S GARDEN

KEEP OUT THE RABBITS?

RULE BRITANNIA!

I WONDER WHY

WAIT

FANTASIES

WHERE'S THE FLYING MINT BUNNY?

WHY IS THERE NO FLYING MINT BUNNY?

THE FUCK

I CANNOT UNDERSTAND THIS

IT KEEPS JUMPING

D8

IT LOOKS LIKE A SHADOW

NOT A CORRIDOR THING

RIGHT

PITS

THOSE ARE TOTALLY ARCHAEOLOGICAL

PFFT

TEMPLE

LOOKS MORE LIKE A HOLE TO ME

AND ITS NOT EVEN AN EXCITING HOLE

YAY

A ROCK

SO ROMAN

YEAH

SO EXCITED

PRETTY COLOURS

TASTE THE RAINBOWWWWW

LOL

ROMANO-CELTIC TEMPLE

IS THERE BURIAL OR NOT?

WE'LL FIND OUT

AFTER

THE

BREAK

DUN

DUN

DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

WELL STOP TOUCHING HOT THINGS

OH YEAH

SO PROMISING

IT'S A BIT OF DIRT

"CAN I COME IN YOUR DITCH"

IT SOUNDS LIKE A BAD PICK-UP LINE

SUCH A ROMAN DITCH

PTOLEMY IS A GREEK NAME

NOT ROMAN

WTF

THE LOST SETTLEMENT

DUN DUN DUNNN

INDIANA JONES

WOOOOOO

LOOK AT THAT

IT'S A WHOLE FLIPPING MAUSOLEUM

WHAT A LOVELY FLIPPING MAUSOLEUM

HOLY SHIT

MATT IS A GUY

WOW

DATA, DATA, DATA

WE NEED DATA

IT'S A HOLE

AN EXCITING ONE

LET'S ALL DIG THE EXCITING HOLE

"I THOUGHT WE HAD A BIG HOLE WITH DIVIDING WALLS"

LOVELY HOLE THERE, ENGLAND

DIVIDING WALLS AND EVERYTHING

"A REAL STAR FIND"

Deir-el Medina textbook

Deir-el medina would be like, his navel or something

LOL WORSHIPPING

OHOHOHO

EGYPT

WHO KNEW?

GOD

DON'T PUT ME ON THE SPOT LIKE THAT

ERG

UM

OLD GUY?

8I

Did he just say prussia?

WHAT NATIONALITY?

KIRKLAND

OKAY NO

UM

JEFFERSON

BUT IT SOUNDS LIKE AN OC

LIKE

IN A FANFIC OC THING

JAMES

8D

WALKER

OKAY NO UM UM UM

….SMITHSON 8I

PURPLE IS THE COLOUR OF SEXUAL REPRESSION

MR PURVES USES A PURPLE PEN

YOU DO THE MATH

DON'T YOU JUST LOVE ROME?

WHAT HAPPENED TO HAPPY HETALIA ROME?

LOL NEW ENGLAND

ENGLAND IS PART OF AMERICA

8DDDDDDDDDDDD

THREE GUESSES AS TO WHY AMERICA CALLED IT 'NEW ENGLAND'

AND THE LAST TWO DON'T COUNT

PFFFFFFT

I NEARLY CALLED IT NAPALM

I SERIOUSLY CANNOT STOP STARING AT YOUR DESKTOP

SO PRETTY

DENMARK

OMG

AMERICA'S MUM?

LOL DENMARK

MAYBE HE WAS WITH THE NETHERLANDS

HIGH ON WEED

b) The _Litany of Ra _describes the meetings of the two gods Ra and Osiris

COUGH COUGH 'COMBINED'

RIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT

'COMBINED'

I SMELL FANFICS

LOLOLOL EGYPT

HE WOULD PROBABLY COPY HIM

I MEAN, DUH

IT'S ITALY

GIVES A NEW MEANING TO HEADBUTTING, YEAH?

GODSHIPPING?

I THINK THAT'S ACTUALLY A NAME FOR A YGO SHIP

TO GOOGLE I GO!

...OH

NEVERMIND

WE MUST CREATE THIS SHIP

IT'S A TRAP!

*GOOGLES RA AND OSIRIS*

DEAR GOD

THAT IS JUST

*HEADDESKS*

BRAIN BLEACH

NOW

DENIAL IS A RIVER IN EGYPT?

THE PERSIANS INVADED THEIR VITAL REGIONS

CHINA/AUSTRALIAN RELATIONS?

JAPAN/AUSTRALIAN RELATIONS?

GOD, WE GET AROUND

Some Deir-el Medina video

CAPSLOCK COMMENTARY TIEM

IT SOUNDS LIKE THE LOONEY TUNES MUSIC

DE NILE

IT'S A RIVER IN EGYPT

WOOOW

IT'S SO GODLIKE

THIS. IS. SP- NOT EGYPT.

THERE ARE TREES

THAT ARE NOT DESERT TREES

I AM DISAPPOINT

OH LOOK DOMINOES

YUM

PIZZA

EGYPT DRINKS TEA

TEA SHIPPING

IS THAT LIKE OPIUM SHIPPING?

SURE, Y NOT

YEY 8DD

HE'S EVEN BRITISH

IKR

BOW DOWN YOU WORTHLESS SCUM

LAZY BASTARDS

I CAN TELL YOU WHAT'S GOING ON

THERE ARE PRETTY PICTURES HERE

THERE'S A WEIRD-LOOKING PERSON

AND A BOAT

AND A CHICK WITH A BALL GROWING OUT OF HER HEAD

AND A DUDE WITH A DICK ON HIS CHIN

CLEARLY IT IS A BOAT ORGY.

CLEVER

OH, THEM EJIPSHUNS…

O U

HOLY CRAP IT'S A GOLEM

NO WAIT ITS JUST A DUDE THAT LOOKS LIKE A ROCK

WHAT A LOVERLY BED YOU HAVE

IT'S SO COMFORTABLE AND ROCKY

PEDOPHILIA

IT'S OKAY IF IT'S EGYPTIAN

OOOOOOOOOH

PRETTY STONE THINGS

WHORE-US?

WHAT

SO HE'S A FAT DUDE

HE'S A FURRY!

WOW

LOL

WHORE-US IS A REPRESENATIVE OF ORDER

WELL WELL WELL…

DUDE, I CAN SMELL UR PENCIL*

I KNOW

I CAN SMELL IT TOO

AND THAT SOUNDS VAGUELY WRONG

WELL WELL WEEEEEEELLLLLLLL…

HUR HUR HUR

EGYPT…..

HE GETS AROUND

AAWWWWW YEEEEEEAAHHHHH

IS THAT…. LITTLE PEOPLE IN THAT GUY'S CROTCH?

EGYPT SURE IS KINKY…

THE ORIGINAL PEDOBEAR

I'M SURPRISED HE AND FRANCE HAVEN'T TEAMED UP YET

MAYBE FRANCE DOESN'T KNOW…

OR MAYBE HE WAS EGYPT'S STUDENT, AND IS NOW CARRYING ON IN HIS NAME…

"SNIFF" BEAUTIFUL…

NOW EVERYTHING MAKES SENSE

**FOREVER**

LOVERLY DRAWINGS EGYPT

CLOSET PERVERT MUCH?

JAPAN'S HIS STUDENT TOO, IT SEEMS

YEPYEP.

HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED HOW THE MEN HAVE SKIRTS THAT STICK STRAIGHT OUT IN VERY SUSPICIOUS PLACES?

MAYBE THEY WERE DESIGNED LIKE THAT TO AVOID… AWKWARD SITUATIONS…

BUT THAT JUST MAKES **EVERY** SITUATION AWKWARD

MAYBE EGYPT'S PROUD OF IT…

HE'S A PERV ALREADY, SO WHY NOT?

THIS….

I GET THE FEELING WE'RE WELL ON THE WAY TO DISCOVERING THE TRUTH OF LIFE

OF COURSE!

IT'S THE SKIRTS, SHANNON! THE SKIRTS!

OLDEST MAP IN THE WORLD LOL

OLDEST PORN, MORE LIKE

I DUNNO… I THINK WE STILL NEED TO GIVE SOME CREDIT TO ROME…

OH YEAH

HE WAS MORE LIKE….

FRANCE

SO MAYBE FRANCE IS THE SECRET LOVECHILD OF EGYPT AND ROME

WHY NOT? MAYBE THE NOW EGYPT AND FRANCE IS BROTHERS O.o

THAT…

THAT…

MAKES SO MUCH SENSE

OH GOD HE'S EVEN _TOUCHING_ THE MAP

WELL WELL …..

HE'S BRITISH, I SUPPOSE, SO IT MAKES SENSE

U NO IT!

NOPE.

NOPE.

NOOOOOOOOOOPE.

YE-

…

…

…

NOPE.

N-

YE-

N-

…

NOPE.

BELOVED SQUIGGLE, I IMPLORE THEE

APPARENTLY AMERICA'S JAPANESE VA PLAYS SOUBI

_AMERICA LIKES LITTLE BOYS WITH CAT EARS_

GOD DUDE

STOP OGLING THE PAINTINGS

GOD

GET LAID ALREADY

O

MAH

GOD…

AMERICA, DUDE…

JUST PUT THEM ON IGGY…

WELL THAT EXPLAINS ALL THE FANARTS

YYYEEEEEAHHHHHHH…

I'M SURE IGGY WOULDN'T MIND. HE'S WORN WORSE.

AMERICA: COME HERE, IGGY…..

IGGY: NO! GET THE BLOODY HELL AWAY FROM ME!

FRANCE: OHONHONHONHONHON!

DUDE

THIS IS A CAPSLOCK COMMENTARY

NOT A PR0NZ THREAD

NEVVAH!

I DO WHAT I WANT, AND YOU CAN'T DO NOTHIN 'BOUT IT.

NOW COME HERE, IGGY!

GAH!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

WELL IF THAT'S THE WAY YOU WANT IT

*KICKS YOU OFF COMPUTER*

WAIT, WHERE'D YOU GO

COME BACK!

NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

…..

KEEP THE PR0NZ TO YOUR COMPUTER PL0XZ

*INFILTRATES COMPUTER*

TCH.

WATEVAH.

FINE THEN.

JEEZ.

CH

J

M

F

K

L

S

DUDE WHAT

WHY'D YOU TELL HIM

OOOOOOOOOOOOH

IT'S LIKE THE RED LIGHT DISTRICT

BUT **EGYPTIAN**

THE 'ECONOMIC' CAPITAL, HUH?

I WONDER WHAT _ELSE_ IT'S THE CAPITAL OF

HURRRRRRRRRRRRRR

STOP FEELING THE CARVINGS DUDE

IT'S JUST CREEPY

I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE A BRITISH NYMPHOMANIAC DUDE

JUST **STOP IT**

WAT

I HEARD 'RATIONS' AS 'RUSSIANS'

...SO THERE WERE RUSSIANS GIVEN TO THE TEMPLE EACH DAY

EGYPT **MUST** HAVE BEEN HAPPY

OOOOOH

THE RUSSIANS EVEN GOT **PAID**

HURHURHUR

DAT FISH LOOKS OFF

BREAD AND BEER?

THEY MUST HAVE BEEN SOME HAPPY PEOPLE

YUM

POMEGRANATES

I WANT A POMEGRANATE NOW

**THAT'S** GOAT CHEESE?

LOOKS MORE LIKE COAGULATED GLUE TO ME

ONE WITH MOTHER 

...YES…

'THEY WEREN'T SOBER **OR** PRUDISH

I THINK WE'VE ESTABLISHED THAT ALREADY

...THAT'S A HUNT THING?

IT LOOKS LIKE…

….

*COUGH*

BESTIALITY

*AHEM*

_ANYWAY_

OOOOOOOOH

MAGICAL PHALLIC RATTLES

THIS GUY IS A PERV

….

_**SPAIN HAS RUN OUT OF CHILDREN**_

SEALAND, STEP AWAY FROM THE MAN WITH THE TOMATOES

….

NEED I SAY ANYTHING?

EGYPT OFFERS HANDS AND **SEVERED UNCIRCUMCISED PENISES **TO HIS GODS

THAT IS _SICK_

...BUT STRANGELY FASCINATING

***I have a smencil. A smelly pencil that smells like sarsaparilla. It's stuck in my hair. And it smells really strongly even though it's around three or four years old.**

**I remember taking it out when I was in yr 8. We attempted to get high on the fumes, and I had the worst headache ever for the remainder of the day.**

***ahem***

_**Anyway.**_** The last part of this was the first half of a capslock commentary on some 30y.o. video on Deir-el Medina. Unfortunately, there will be no more Time Team- we have moved out of that topic.**

**Also, Miss Insane Fangirl Friend has made a reappearance! *claps***

**The teacher caught us sniggering over the part about America and little boys with cat ears :/ **

**Just as well he didn't actually look at it, or I would have **_**died**_**.**

**I HAVE CREATED GODSHIPPING!**

**No, really. It's floating around on dA somewhere.**


End file.
